and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
