Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
