NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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