Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
