I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
