If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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