I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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