Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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