will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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