Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
