So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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