alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
