Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
