it wasn't lemon gatorade
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
