Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
