I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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