Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
