You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
