Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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