Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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