You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
