I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
