Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
