It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
