I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
COCAINE IS GR8
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
