we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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