he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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