i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I came so hard my ears popped.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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