did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
