He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sex in a hospital.. check
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My vagina just clenched in fear
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
