I can't breathe out the right side of my face
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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