You're my little dorito
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
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