He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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