and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
