my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
