So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
