I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
