Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
