How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
