YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
