She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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