She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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