Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
