he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
