there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
