you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
