There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
