I need help removing her.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
