also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
