soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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