you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
