i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
