im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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