when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
